Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Freedom of Christmas...

Hey K2 Kanakuk Friends,
Well, today might be a "mom"/older gal post but yet, maybe the message could ring true to teen hearts decide.

Freedom...what a word! What a way to live...I thought 3 years ago when I had the 1st little Robbins I would forever live under an umbrella of guilt and nothing of the sorts of freedom. I was so worried I was going to mess her up, screw up her self esteem, or destroy her fragile heart but always falling short of being a perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect christian woman, and perfect kamp director. I was exhausted and not from the lack of sleep from having a newborn. I was simply exhausted because I was failing at every turn, every moment, every other mom I saw that was so "perfect...I was a failure and freedom was the "f-word" in my mind. One that I couldn't say and definitely didn't feel.

Then I let Jesus in to that place in my heart of fear and anxiety of not being enough and thinking I have to live in guilt because I have so many friends, fellow moms and myself that sit in guilt...not just sit but lay and flop around. That's an odd visual. Anyways, the Lord started lovingly calling my heart and life to freedom. I was so scared. Scared of truly living in freedom of clearly not being perfect. Clearly. I was scared of how many apologies I would go through when I messed up and not riding myself for that mess up for 6 months after. I soon found though an amazing peace from pressing into this fear of failure and guilt. I found the freedom in Jesus. I found the freedom to be me...all of me. I found the freedom to be okay that other moms do other things better, are more crafty, organized or more fun than me. Great! I found freedom in when I am impatient with the littles I go into their room that night, wake them, hug their little bodies and say, "mommy is sorry." Freedom! Freedom in walking into new friendships, freedom in loving new areas of ministry, freedom in the chaos of my life with our very little people. Freedom! It's so sweet! Does guilt still come to my thoughts...yes, but I am so quick to ignore and walk away from flopping around in that guilt. I mess up...ALL THE TIME. I have days I am in my pj's all day with bad breath b/c that is my season in life. I will choose freedom in my heart in Jesus any day over the year I had of battling so much guilt of not being enough. That life I will never go back to...I pray I press into the freedom we have in Jesus every single day.

Be awesome & Love Jesus,

kanakuk ashley robbins

p.s. this ended up having nothing to do with Christmas...or does it?

1 comment:

Angela Thompson said...

This is one of the most profound 'Merry Christmas' I've read. Thank you for sharing your heart, and the encouragement for each of us to walk in His freedom. Merry Christmas to all the Robbins!
~ Angela Thompson